Scrumdidilyumtious

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Cast: Mr.Turkentine, Charlie Bucket, Winkelmann, Girl (June Marie), Boy (Christopher), Tom, Bill, Man, Woman, Kids, Crowd, Sound Effects

Scene 1 School

(Students are playing; Charlie is sitting in his chair reading)

Boy: Hey! who wants to play Duck Duck Goose?

Kids: Me me me me! (runs over to Christopher)

Boy: OK let me see...one two three…(counts)Hm…one more…

Girl: How about Charlie Bucket?

Charlie: (slowly looks up) I’m reading.

Kids: (look over) You’re a nerd!

Kids: Ya Charlie’s a nerd! 

(heavy footsteps heard)

Jane: (walk into class with bags, running) Hey! How ‘bout me? I wanna play too!

Tom: Let’s go out and play!

(Sounds of frolicking reaches the classroom from the playground. Pause. Bell rings)

Boy: Hey! I want to go to the bathroom. Why don’t  you guys go in first?

(Charlie Bucket is quietly sitting in his chair when June Marie and Tom rush into the classroom.)

Mr. Turkentine: (Walks in and bows) Good Morning, class!

Kids: (Bows mockingly) Good Morning Mr. TurKEY!!! 

Mr. Turkentine: My name is Mr. Turkentine. Say that again!

Kids: Good morning Mr. TurkEYTINE!!!

Mr. Turkentine: (Rolls eyes at the audience) whatever…

Christopher: (Pats Turkey on the shoulder) anybody home?!!

Mr. Turkentine: Headmistress! (turns frantically) Ahem. (smmoths himself, consults watch) Christopher! You’re five minutes and thirty-six seconds late for class!

Christopher: (Rolls eyes at the audience, muttering) you’re the one who is crazy!

(Kids sit down. One moment of silence)

Boy: (Bang on desk/lap) Yo man! (Throws a paper plane and quickly sits down.)

Mr. Turkentine: Owww! (Rub back of head.) 

(Kids sniggers.)

MR. TURKENTINE: (Claps hands) Order! Order, please!

Boy: I’d like a hamburger and fries, please.

(Kids: More sniggers!)

Mr. Turkentine: (very angry, stuttering, pointing) Christopher, you! (finger trembling) Go and stand in the corner!

Boy: (Stomp to the corner.) Humph!

Mr Turkentine: Who is playing with the red thing? (points)

Tom: Tee hee hee! (waves laser at audience, laugh)

Mr Turkentine: (wags finger) Now put that away. If I see it one more time, I will change your seats! Now let’s begin our science experiment!

Mr. Turkentine: (Returns to face class, searches for a student) Charlie Bucket.

CHARLIE: Yes, Mr. Turkentine?

MR. TURKENTINE: I shall need an assistant for the experiment.  Come and give me a hand. (Beckons with hand)  

     (Charlie joins him at the front.)

Boy: (singing) Charlie Bucket, teacher’s pet!

(Kids snigger)

Boy: (singing even more louder) Charlie Bucket, teacher’s pet!

Kids: (chanting) teacher’s pet, teacher’s pet!

Mr. Turkentine: HUSH! No talking at the back!! 

Kids: (someone blows raspberry) You’re the only one talking! (sniggers, chatter)

Mr. Turkentine: (loud)We have here!!!(quiet down) a special list of ingredients of my own. (gestures) It's horrible (sway right), dangerous (Sway left) stuff; blows you up (jumps up).  But mixed together in the right way, as only I know how, what do you think it makes?

CHARLIE: I don’t know, sir. (Scratch head)

MR. TURKENTINE: Of course you don't know.  You don't know because only I know.  If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you.  And for a student to teach his teacher is presumptuous and rude.  Do I make myself clear?

CHARLIE: (Scratches head again, wait a moment.)Yes, sir.

     (The students laugh.)

MR. TURKENTINE: Good.  Now, mixed together in the right way, these highly dangerous ingredients can create a Wonka Bar!!!!

Kids: Cheer!

Mr. Turkentine: The trick is to pour them in in equal amounts. Now, Charlie, you take that bottle, and I'll take my own special mixture.  You ready?  Good lad, pour.

(Boy makes a cow horn on top of Turkey’s head. Makes hush sign at audience)

     (They pour slowly; the mixture emits a small boom and a large puff of smoke.  The kids cheer.) (Sound effects.)

CHARLIE: Did we do it wrong?

MR. TURKENTINE: No, certainly not; it’s brown and creamy.

Kids: Cheer again.

Charlie: Is it chocolate?

Mr. Turkentine: Most certainly!

Kids: Cheer once more.

Jane: I want a wonka bar!!! (Rushes up and dips in her finger.)

Mr. Turkentine: NOOOOO!!!! Stop! I haven’t---

Jane: (Spits out) Ewww! Wart removal cream!

(Whole class cheers and snigger.)

     (Commotion in the hall.) (Winkelmann stomping)

MR. TURKENTINE:  Now what's going on out there?

 (Mr. Turkentine opens the door.)

MR. TURKENTINE: You, Winkelmann, come here.  What's happening?

(Class chats, looks at Winkelmann)

WINKELMANN: (Comes in, starts shaking Turk’s hand vigorously) Hey man. Willy Wonka's opening his factory; he's gonna let people in.

(Kids: Cheer.)

MR. TURKENTINE: (stuttering, Winkelmann hasn’t let go) Are you sure?

WINKELMANN: It's on the radio. (dumps Turk’s hand, holds his own’s up, and turns round and round, doing the pixie dance) And he's giving truckloads of chocolate away!!!

MR. TURKENTINE: Class dismissed!

(Kids: BIG cheer.)

WINKELMANN: No, no, it's only for five(hold up 5 fingers) people.

MR. TURKENTINE: Class un-dismissed.

(Kids: BIG BOO!)

WINKELMANN: He's hidden five Golden Tickets, and the people who find them will win the big prize. (turns to prance out)

Kids: Oooooo!!! (chatter in crescendo)

MR. TURKENTINE: Shush!!!(frantically grabs at Winkelmann, who’s about to leave) WAIT! Where has he hidden the tickets?

WINKELMANN: Inside five Wonka Bars!  You gotta buy Wonka Bars to find 'em, man?!

MR. TURKENTINE: (wipes brow) Class re-dismissed!

Kids: Yeah!

Boy: I want that ticket!!!

GIRL: (Midst of cheering) I'm going to buy a hundred bars!

BOY: I'm gonna buy the whole store! (Excited)

Jane: (takes off running) Let’s go!

Tom: Charlie, you coming?

Charlie: No…

Girl: Humph! You’re such a nerd…you’ll know you’re missing out on something later! (run away) Come on Tom!

Scene 2 On the Street 

Charlie: (says sadly to himself) I guess I’ll never see the Wonka Factory. (sighs) I don’t even have a penny! How can I buy a bar of chocolate? (miserable) I can’t even buy a sizzler, let alone a golden ticket…

Boy: (In a hurry, runs across the street) Ouch! My ankle! Now I will never get to be the first one to reach the store!(Fumbling with wallet and accidently drops a few coins.)

Charlie: (Looks up, sees coins, run after boy.) Hey! Christopher! You dropped something! (Picks money up.) Christopher! (Waves money.) Hey! You dr---

Boy: (Already too far to hear Charlie.) Sound effect -- I’m the last one……(echo the last one)

Charlie: (face brightens up) Yay! Money money money! Choc choc, here I come! Wait up guys! I’m coming!

Scene 3 Bill’s Candy Shop

 (Kids run from school to the Candy Shop.) (Waving money)

 (Kids enter, yelling.)

KIDS: (yelling) Sizzler!  I want a Sizzler!

BILL: All right, all right, all right, what's it going to be?  A triple cream cup for Christopher . . .

KIDS: (yelling) A Squelchy Snorter!

BILL: A Squelchy Snorter for Otis . . .

GIRL: I want a Squelchy Snorter . . .

Jane: I want a gobstopper!

Kids: (More yells) ME! ME!

BILL: A Sizzler for June Marie . . .

BOY: C'mon, give me a Sizzler . . .

Jane: How about me? Where’s my gobstopper?!

BILL: And listen up!  Wonka's got a new one today.

KIDS: What is it? (Quiet down)

BILL: (Quiet) This is called a (throw hands out) Scrumdidilyumptious Bar!

WINKELMANN: (mispronouncing) Scrumbibilyunctious Bar?  How does he do it?

(sniggers)

BILL: My dear boy, do you ask a fish how it swims?

WINKELMANN: No . . .

(Kids: Snigger.)

BILL: Or a bird how it flies?

WINKELMANN: No . . .

(Kids: Snigger).

BILL: No sirree, you don't!  They do it because they were born to do it.  Just like Willy Wonka was born to be a candy man, you look like you were born to be a Wonkarer.

Kids: Ah! (Chatter starts up again. All buy choc and go away)

CHARLIE: (shyly, clears his throat) Hi.

BILL: Hi. (not looking at Charlie)

CHARLIE: (Quietly) I'd like a bar of chocolate please. 

BILL: Yeah, sure.  What kind? (holds up bars as he speaks) A Slugworth Sizzler?  A Wonka Scrumdidilyumptious? (Boomy voice)

CHARLIE: Ummm… (looking at both) Whichever's the biggest.

BILL: Try a Scrumdidilyumptious. (Clears his throat and holds out his hand.  Charlie pays.)  

CHARLIE: Bye bye. (Looks longingly at the candy shelf for a few moments.)

BILL: Yes? (twitches nose)

CHARLIE: I think I'll buy just one more, for my Grandpa Joe. (Slowly)

BILL: Sure.  Why not try a regular Wonka Bar this time?

CHARLIE: Okay. (Counts money) I haven’t enough though!

Bill: Never mind, it’s on me. (pats chest)

Charlie: Thank you so much!

     (Charlie opens his Wonka Bar; there is the Golden Ticket!)

Charlie & Bill: Oh my! (Gasp)

Boy: (Peering over Charlie’s shoulder) Hey, you've got it!  You've got a Golden Ticket!  Charlie's found a Golden Ticket!  Hold it up, Charlie, so we can see! (Excited)

WOMAN : Hey, let me see it!

Boy: It really is gold!

BILL: Stand back there.  Leave the boy alone!

Boy: Hey, Charlie, come over here. I am your classmate. Let me see it first! (eyebrows go up and down. Tries to push against strong Bill)

Jane: Let me see it! Did you see what he's got?

BILL: You're going to kill him!  Leave him alone!  Break it up.

Boy: Let me see it!  Over here, show it over here!

WOMAN: It really is gold! Hey, good chap, I’ll buy it for a hundred dollars. (holds up crisp bills)

Boy: I wanna see it. I’ll buy it for two hundred dollars. (waves money) Hey, Charlie . . . (Pushes against them)

Jane: No I’ll buy it. My father’s a big tycoon. I’ll give you four hundred dollars for that ticket, Charlie.

Crowd: (Over-excited mob, pushes against Charlie and Bill) Let me see!

BILL: (frantically turns to look at Charlie) Come on, kid!  Hold on to that ticket!  Run for it, Charlie!  Run straight home and don't stop 'til you get there! (Yelling)

     (Charlie pushes through mob and starts running home.)

Crowd: (Crowd chases across the street) Hey come back here!!!

(Bill tries frantically to block them reaching Charlie)

Boy: Five hundred dollars! (Waves money)

Jane: Eight hundred dollars! (Waves money)

Boy: One thousand … (Crazy)

Woman: Ten thousand!!!!!!

Crowd + sound effects: (In a frenzy) Hey, hey, hey! Come back, come back… (Screaming and crazy, they chase Charlie and Bill off the stage.)

~The End~