Good Reads

"Where you find your next book."

This is a great place to look for new and interesting reads that you probably don't know. You can add me as a friend. My usename is Isadore Monique Engrie.

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Book Reviews

Does anyone want to recommend a book or a story for me to review? You can post it in a comment here, with the book title, author and illustrator. I get angry (engrie) when people forget to mention the illustrator. They are as important as authors: books would not have that spark of life within them if it weren't for the faithful illustrators. So thanks to everyone who draws for readers to understand the book content more fully. Shall we give a shout of praise to the illustrators? Here we go: Hip! Hip! Hooray!

Detective Dialogue

D: So, Miss Esme Mok, my research tells me that your father is your ex-husband’s neighbour, Mr. Mok, no?

E: Yes you’re right.

D: Do you like your ex-husband? And do you like parrots?

E: I never liked him – I mean I have loved him for my whole life. I like parrots too.

D: Why did you divorce?

E: Um...... I hate – I mean he hates me.

D: My research also tells me that you are dating his chauffeur, Mr. Kwan.

E: Yeah, so what? He is loads better than the old parrot-face who didn’t leave me any money. I mean –

D: A witness of the scene told me that you and Mr. Kwan entered your father’s house two days ago, right?

E: Yeah, so?

D: The witness also said that you three entered your ex-husband’s garage carrying a coil of rope, no?

E: We were going to fix his car.

D: With rope? The witness said she heard a squawk, a slam of some kind of door, running water and three beeps. Do you have any explanation for these sounds?

E: Er......

D: I have. You entered the garage, and Mr. Kwan opened the door to the house with his key. The banker’s parrot squawked to warn him, and you strangled it. The parrot cage is dirty, so it explains the dirty fingerprints on the keyboard of the computer. Your ex-husband came running down the stairs, accidentally tripped, and the photos he were holding scattered across the floor. Your dad tied the rope around him, put him in your kitchen cupboard and slammed the door. Mr. Kwan poured wine to celebrate while you tried to erase the security camera videos on the computer. Is this all true?

E: This is exactly what happened.

D: It’s handcuffs for you, lady.

E: (Sprints away) I won’t be seeing you again!

D: Wait!

E: (Cackles and disappears around the corner.)

I Remember...

I Remember...

It was the 24th of December, 2006, a cold, bitter night. Icicles froze on my nose as soon as I got out of the car. We walked with our heads bowed low, me and my family, to the Christmas Party at my grandparents’ apartment.

The warnmth and happy atmosphere greeted us as we stepped inside the door. The glitter banners hung over our heads, the golden candles lit up the house. The towering Christmas tree with its green needles dressed in shiny, shimmering, sparkling, spiral, shooting-star shaped silver baubles of glass. And if you peeped, you could see the piles of presents hiding underneath, all wrapped up in their coats of red, gold and green.

Everyone was smiling, chattering, laughing. My aunts asked, “Hello. How are you? How is school?” My uncles boomed, “Hi there, niece. How’s it going? Played the piano lately?” And my grandparents fussed, “Wear your woolly or you’ll catch the cold!”

Dinner was fantastic. The square table with the checkered tablecloth couldn’t support all the food: the huge brown roasted turkey larger than a football, the salad with the lettuce and tomatoes, the chicken wings, the spaghetti with white cream sauce, the salmon sushi, the ham and egg omelet, the noodles in soup, and of course, the big tub of rice.

Glasses and cutlery tinkled and sang as everyone tucked in. Wafts of food travelled around the house, and everyone had a second helping. Grannie said, “Don’t waste the food, dearie.” And everyone had a third and fourth helping!

Dessert was even better. A wobbling mountain of jelly, a skyscraper of ice-cream and a pool of fruit was put on the table. The jelly was sweet in your mouth, and the ice-cream simply melted on the tip of your tongue. The fruits of different colours: red, orange, yellow, green and white, were a spectacle to one’s eyes and mouth.

After stuffing ourselves on the table of food, we played games such as “hide-and-seek”, “What’s this?”, and “guess the presents”. Grannie and Gramp made sure everyone left their house jolly, sweaty and of course, bloated as a balloon.

“I will never forget that Christmas party night, on which we celebrated at my grandparents’ house.” I say, lost in my dream. Sis, who is standing next to me, stamps her feet and comments on the weather, “Brrrrrrrrr! It’s getting cold and Christmas is just around the corner. I wonder if Grannie will host a Christmas party this year…”

My Favourite Room

Dear Crystal,

I hope you are looking forward to coming to my house for the sleepover. We will be sleeping with the cat this time in the bathroom, as my room is being renovated at the moment.

The bathroom is my favourite room in the house. It’s cosy and sweet-scented. It has a door but no windows, and exhaust fan, a sink, a pink bubble bath tub and a shelf on which I put my soap and kelp. The bathroom is also where my cat sleeps, eats and drinks. The floor is made of peach square tiles, and it is suitable for our sleeping bags on which we will sleep on.

I recall one time when I was inventing potions in the bathroom. I mixed together some blueberry bubble bath and perfume, then added butter and melted sugar. The result was perfect! Even my kelp swayed to the scent of the potion ……Suddenly, my cat came in and slurped all of my precious potion! I didn’t mind but was more worried about the cat. Luckily, my cat didn’t die, and the potion even made my cat grow larger!

I love the bathroom and I hope it can always stay as my laboratory. Sadly, it will be renovated next year, so I will have to keep it in my memories. I look forward to meeting you next Friday, so I can show you my newly-invented Sparkling Sizzling Shimmering Spiral Shooting Stars Strawberry-scented Soap.

Love, Isadore

P.S. Attached is a picture of my favourite room.

Fairytale News

I like fairytales too! But they have to be real. So here's a fairytale news article that I wrote in Primary 6.

DANCERS FOUND SMUGGLING DRUGS

One of the twelve dancing princesses has been caught by the police. They found her smuggling drugs into Fairyland on a boat.

This incident happened on Monday morning. Witness Mermaid Ariel said, “I was swimming near Fairy Beach when I saw Princess May row a boat with wooden barrels filled with poison. I quickly phoned the police. They came just in time and caught her red-handed.

Policewoman Ella Declared, “This incident explains it all! A lot of suitors were found lying dead on the castle floor holding golden goblets of wine. The reason was because the twelve princesses had put poison into their wine!”

Prince Charming, who had managed to stay alive and married the youngest dancing princess, exclaimed, “I didn’t know that my wife was so treacherous! I am filing for a divorce immediately!

Princess May and her sisters are now imprisoned in their own castle’s prison. They will go to Cinderella Court on the 5th of May, the same date as Princess May’s birthday. A new law is also in force now: Thou shalt be executed if found holding dangerous goods.

Hair

Hair

Flowing river

Provider of shade

Like a Viking helmet

As smooth as a silk scarf

Safer than concrete roofs

Lovely long locks

Hair

Coca-cola Myth

The Myth of the Coca-cola Bottle (Told by the Kalahari Bushmen)

One day, a zebra was walking in the desert when she saw a lump in the bushes. She walked closer and saw a baboon lying there. His face was severely damaged and there was a large gash on his shoulder. The zebra called softly, “Hello? Baboon, do you hear me?”

The baboon appeared to be unconscious, as he just murmured softly. The zebra felt sorry for him, so she rolled him into the shade, away from the glare of the sun, and went home. She told her sisters about him. They just laughed at her and said, “Why would you want to care for a baboon? He is wounded already and will not be of much use.”

The zebra replied indignantly, “I don’t think so. I will care for the baboon myself.” And so she did.

Every day, she spent her time picking the juiciest leafy greens and fed them to the baboon. Still, the baboon did not stir one bit, but continued sleeping instead.

One day, as the zebra was busy collecting herbs for the baboon, something heavy fell onto her head. “Ouch!” She cried. “What in the world is this?” She examined the thing carefully and concluded that she had not seen it before. She rolled it back to her sisters and asked for their advice.

Her sisters just scoffed and said, “Huh. It’s just a bit of hard stuff. First you go care for a baboon and now you bring a hard thing home. Typical.”

The zebra was miserable because her sisters had ignored her. She took the Hard Thing to the place where the baboon was sleeping, and cried.

Suddenly, a deep voice behind her said, “What in the desert are you crying about?”

The zebra jumped but relaxed quickly. “You’ve healed! You must be tired. Here, let me give you my leaf.”

The baboon replied in the same deep voice, “No, child. I have no need for a leaf. I am the Great God Pan. You have showed me compassion beyond all measure. You saved my life by not letting me get burned by the sun, and cared for me for a whole month.”

The zebra replied shyly, “It was nothing really.”

The baboon said, “You are a kind-hearted and modest zebra indeed. I shall grant you this gift.” He held out a thing to the zebra.

The zebra exclaimed, “Hey! I have something identical to this!” She brought the Hard Thing to him.

“Go,” He said, “To the cluster of trees behind this bush, and stick these to your head.”

The zebra obeyed and suddenly found herself taller. Her neck had grown a lot longer and her legs were no longer sturdy. Her stripes were stretched into blots of spots. There were two hard things growing on her head.

The baboon transformed in a burst of light, into the Great God Pan, with light shining around him. “Hear, child. The Hard Thing is actually the fruit from the tallest tree in the Heavens. It is your reward for your care, and it is now part of your body. You are the ancestor of all the giraffes. This hard thing will always come to those in need, to remind them of the time the first giraffe cared for the Great god Pan.”

***

And so, that is why the Great God Pan sent this Hard Thing to us Kalahari Bushmen. In this time of drought, hunger and thirst, the Great God Pan wants to remind us that we should not only care for ourselves, but care for others as well.

Carbon Price Essay

An essay I wrote during the summer holidays last year.

What is carbon price?

What is carbon pricing? Carbon Pricing is a method of reducing greenhouse gas emissions nationally. When greenhouse gases such as carbon dioxide are released into the atmosphere, they cause global warming due to trapped heat. Greenhouse gases come from our everyday activities, such as the electricity we use in homes and offices are produced by burning fossil fuels. Placing a price on carbon can involve taxes, subsidies or an emissions trading system. According to the Australian Government, carbon pricing is the “most environmentally effective and economically efficient way to reduce pollution”. In a nutshell, carbon pricing is putting a standard pricing system on the national carbon emissions.

Why do we need a carbon price? Currently, polluting is “free” (if you don’t count the cost on our environment). Putting a price tag on carbon emissions means forcing consumers to pay for every single tonne of carbon pollution that they release into the atmosphere. In this way, we control and stabilize the concentration level of greenhouse gases in our atmosphere, thus saving the environment.

Why choose carbon pricing? Why is it effective? There are many measures that a government can take to insure the reduction of greenhouse gas emissions: Carbon pricing, carbon dioxide storage, replacing burning of fossil fuels with renewable energy sources, regulations and standards, organizational change, and education.

Firstly, people actually think before they use money. Money is hard to earn and people will think twice before wasting electricity on unnecessary items at home or in offices. If there is a price on carbon, people would wish to save their money, so they would take the precaution not to consume too much electricity. Secondly, carbon pricing is a method of reducing carbon emissions without paying on the government’s part. Other ways, such as carbon dioxide storage or replacing burning of fossil fuels need high technology. This will need money to produce satisfactory results and reduce the amount of greenhouse gases released into the atmosphere.

Then what are the disadvantages of carbon pricing? Nearly every aspect of economic activity results in greenhouse gas emissions. To have significant impact, carbon pricing will need to be used in all fossil fuelled economies, or else business firms and companies will just move to another location in order to “escape” paying. Greenhouse gases emitted in a country without carbon pricing will affect people in other carbon pricing countries. For this we need an international standard for carbon pricing, which can be costly and very hard to accomplish. Placing a carbon tax or emission-trading system will increase the cost of electricity and will decrease the competitiveness of business companies which use a lot of energy. This could result in an unwanted economic and financial outcome.

Currently, carbon taxes are discussed in the United States of America, Canada, New Zealand, Australia and other European countries. Some programs have even been implemented. The question is: Is an international carbon emission pricing system just a dream for eco-friendly countries, or is it possible in our near future?

We can all help by reducing carbon emissions, whether our country has a carbon price or not. We can cut down our electricity usage by buying eco-friendly products, such as light bulbs that use less electricity. We can also turn off electrical appliances when they are not of much use. Every single little move we make towards reducing carbon emissions will help to our global goal of saving our environment, our energy sources, and our future.

A Letter to the Head Mouse

Again here is a composition that I didn't even know I wrote! It was back in Primary 6 when we read The Tale of Despereaux.

Mr. Cheddar Cheese

Most Very Honoured Head Mouse

Gray Street, Mousington


Dear Mr. Cheese,
I am writing in response to the announcement made on Saturday. I am a lawyer who lives in Fur Street, and I have read about Despereaux Tilling’s story in the Mousy daily.

Firstly, I would like to accent on my strong disagreement of your decision. Your verdict of punishment for Despereaux is against the law. As it is clearly stated in The Ancient Book of Law for Castle Mice, all children are free of rules and laws.


Secondly,
I would also like to report a case which happened before you were promoted to Most Very Honoured Head Mouse. Hovis Celery, Junior Threadmaster of Spool University has committed a similar crime to Despereaux’s. I, therefore, kindly request that you take this into account.



Thirdly, I agree with what you would describe as “egregious acts”, that Despereaux had done. However, he is really a nice, cheerful fellow. He is top of the class, which I know because I have talked to his teacher. His imagination leads him to the library to read books. I’m sure that you simply cannot punish a mouse for reading books to improve his grammar.


Lastly, I would like to remind you that humans are not at all dangerous. Despereaux listened to the human king play music and the teacher told me that his music grades went from an A to an A+! And (I am sure that you do not want the mouse community to hear of this) I would like to remind you of the past. You know for sure that I am talking about the time when you were a baby mouse happily frolicking in the Princess Pea’s mouse cage!


I have expressed my concern quite straight-forwardly, and I hope you will think it over and agree with me. Please reply promptly. Thank you very much for your attention.



Yours sincerely,

Isadore Hole
Senior Lawyer, Castle Ltd.

Fur Street, Mousington

1 Jordan Road (old campus)

I don't even remember I wrote a poem like this. Way back in Primary 5, our teacher forced us each to write a poem on our school. Her name was Miss Koo. She left the year after that. I never saw her again, but I still remember that her shoe came off one time when she was walking into the classroom.

I really like DGJS,
The classes there are fun.
English classes are the best,
Miss Koo is number one.

I have a friend called Chow On Yan,
We always play with Madeleine.
She can make a really pretty fan,
For waving on Sports Day, cheering us to win.


My other friend Rachel,
Who’s bottle often leaks,
In her red satchel,
While the teacher speaks.

Faithful friends and challenging Chinese class,
Are rocks in the bottom of my heart,
There, forever they will last,
Like cherries on a tart.

The Doherty Song

We have a horrible science teacher who says and does mean stuff all the time. His laughter is even worse than his words. It goes like this: Hu he hu he huh.

One day we were boiling rose petals for natural indicators. I was the last group representative to collect the rose petals, so I gathered what was left on the dying stalks and walked back to my group, dumped the petals in the beaker, and started the Bunsen burner. Then HE came round and scolded me for putting too much petals in. What was I supposed to do? Throw them away?

Then when the experiment was finished, he walked around the groups and stopped at my back. He said, "Well... Your indicator looks nice. The colour is deep enough." Then I was so mad and said, "I thought you scolded me for putting too much in! And now you say it's good!" Then he realized what a contradiction he had made and said, "Oh... Oh right. Yeah. Throw it down the sink, then." And he strutted off.

So this is a song I wrote to cool off my anger. It's sung to the tune of The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars. Enjoy! Mind you, you might get angry after singing!

Today he came around and spoiled my day.

Just when I was about to say,

"I didn't put much anyway."

But he says throw it down the drain,

I would rather throw him out the lane.

I’m gonna hate his nose forever

‘cause I’m so mad.

He said, “Throw it away,

that's too bad."

But hey that just makes me sad…

We can pour sulphuric acid on his big spikey hair,

Throw away our goggles, causing him despair,

Until he plays fair…

Oh yes I said it, You heard it, let’s fight injustice!

I’m not happy.

Mr. B Doherty: pH of wee.

I’m not happy.

Doherty, say sorry,

Or you’ll see…

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Two Bad Ants

My Own Version of Two Bad Ants, featuring two naughty ants who are on an adventure to explore the human realm.

The two ants woke up with a start. Where were they? They blinked and looked around. Everything was pitch-black. Suddenly, a crane dug a thin, narrow hole above them. Light spilled in. The ants looked around. They were in the mouth of a canon that was a squillion times bigger than they were! The crane plunged in and pulled the canon out. The ants were lifted to a terrifying height. They looked upwards and saw six suns!

They were wondering why there were six suns and a white sky when the crane began to spin. Faster and faster it went. Then it stopped so suddenly that the ants were jerked out of the hole. They hung on to the edge for dear life. The crane moved downwards at a tremendous speed, and as it was moving, a sharp-pointed canon ball shot out of the hole, above the ants’ heads.

Half of the canon ball was stuck in the hole. The crane began jabbing at the white marble floor, leaving blue footprints. The ants, still dizzy from their rollercoaster ride, saw three ant nest holes, some distance away from them! They jumped from the canon to the white marble floor. They walked on for what seemed like forever. They reached the hole at last. Relieved, they climbed in. But something was wrong. Before they could think, a blue shot of light zapped them and the ants were no more.

Creature Trouble

One of my poetic compositions from school in Primary 6. We only had an hour so it's not very good.

The janitor came in,

With a large box.

It was tall, up to my chin.

We all guessed: Adventure Box! Then –

Oooo! Spooky!

The box wiggled and wobbled

And out flew a swan!

It stared at us – 32 gaping mouths,

Ruffled its feathers,

And up it flew.

We screamed as the lights came crashing down,

Shrieked as the fans swung round and around.

Our books flew,

Paper blew.

The classroom became a “chaosroom”.

Everyone tried their best,

To shoo it back to its nest.

Tracy tried with a recorder,

It didn’t quite work.

Wendy tried with a water bottle,

That didn’t work either.

The saviour came in,

The janitor took off his shoe,

In the air it spun.

The swan flew out,

And the class cheered.

The party stopped,

A moan came from the back.

“Ouch! I’ve been hit by a boot!”

“I’m gonna faint, you janitor brute!”

Her last words were,

“Anyway, I could’ve done that.”

Conquer Your Fears - Phobias

My Phobia

My phobia began when I was nine. I forgot how it started, but I remember feeling the urge to tidy things up in the room I shared with my sister. My mom and my sister had a habit of putting their things on mine, so they wouldn’t have to carry them. I didn’t like that and soon I was measuring distances between my things and the edge of the table. I just had to keep things straight and tidy. I had become an ataxophobic.

My phobia really disturbs my family and myself. I waste a lot of time tidying things up. I remember one time when I had a panic attack. I was coming home after school, and I rushed into my room to put down my schoolbag. I stopped in my tracks and stood by the doorway. I just couldn’t tolerate it, I just couldn’t! My whole room had been turned over. My things (that I had so carefully placed) were strewn all over the floor. I started to sob. I pounded the walls with my fist. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I even started to have difficulty breathing. I would call it a temper instead of a panic attack.

I have tried but not succeeded in curing my unusual and “exotic” phobia. My father is a doctor, and he just told me to relax and asked what was stressing me. The bad news is, my mom and sister won’t stop being messy, so I continue and will continue to panic at the sight of disorder.

Earth

This is a poem I wrote for the entry to the Mass Mutual astronaut training competition.

The creator of space,

Vanished without a trace.

But left stars galore,

Planets and much more.

The creator of space,

Chose a very special place

For us all to live in,

And Earth it has been.

But we destroy his design,

Factories smoke the sky-line.

Ozone now depleted by CFC,

So from UV we have to flee.

If rays penetrate our sky,

We will soon begin to die.

Who will save the Earth,

To give it a re-birth?

Guilt

This is another poem I composed for the Budding Poets competition last year.

Guilt

Guilt is a consequence,

It comes after pretense,

It follows a broken fence,

It links to stolen presents.

When is the time of guilt?

It appears when milk is spilt,

It sticks with buildings badly built,

It occurs when your flowers wilt.

I know you are thinking of that test,

On which you did not do your best,

Instead of studying, you rest,

And cheated like a bad pest.

Guilt will forever lodge in your heart,

Even if you are stunningly smart,

From guilt you will never depart,

But stick alone together like art.

So go confess your sin,

Or you’ll sizzle in hell’s oven.

And guilt shall be a tin,

And lock you deep within.

Life in 2060

What will be the world like in 2060? Have you ever thought about it?

Tragic End for World Population

What will happen to our population in the future? The population should reduce even if medical science crosses its boundaries. Doctors would be able to make humans live longer, but the government would take over and ban these surgeries.

I interviewed Professor Albert Einstein last week, and he agreed that the population would be reduced. Professor Albert Einstein is the mastermind behind the atomic bomb, and he has another theory on the reduction of world population. He predicted that there would be a World War III, and half of the world’s inhabitants would be killed. Another quarter of it would be wiped out by radiation. He concluded,” In the World War IV, our weapons would be sticks and stones as there would be nothing left.”

“I predict that the world will remain no longer. The situation is The Giver will become true: the governments would control the populations, and all nations would become a community. Life spans would be shortened to an average of 60 years, and humans would no longer know that love meant.” What Professor Albert Einstein says may be true. There would be no choice but to wait and see.

Scrumdidilyumtious

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Cast: Mr.Turkentine, Charlie Bucket, Winkelmann, Girl (June Marie), Boy (Christopher), Tom, Bill, Man, Woman, Kids, Crowd, Sound Effects

Scene 1 School

(Students are playing; Charlie is sitting in his chair reading)

Boy: Hey! who wants to play Duck Duck Goose?

Kids: Me me me me! (runs over to Christopher)

Boy: OK let me see...one two three…(counts)Hm…one more…

Girl: How about Charlie Bucket?

Charlie: (slowly looks up) I’m reading.

Kids: (look over) You’re a nerd!

Kids: Ya Charlie’s a nerd! 

(heavy footsteps heard)

Jane: (walk into class with bags, running) Hey! How ‘bout me? I wanna play too!

Tom: Let’s go out and play!

(Sounds of frolicking reaches the classroom from the playground. Pause. Bell rings)

Boy: Hey! I want to go to the bathroom. Why don’t  you guys go in first?

(Charlie Bucket is quietly sitting in his chair when June Marie and Tom rush into the classroom.)

Mr. Turkentine: (Walks in and bows) Good Morning, class!

Kids: (Bows mockingly) Good Morning Mr. TurKEY!!! 

Mr. Turkentine: My name is Mr. Turkentine. Say that again!

Kids: Good morning Mr. TurkEYTINE!!!

Mr. Turkentine: (Rolls eyes at the audience) whatever…

Christopher: (Pats Turkey on the shoulder) anybody home?!!

Mr. Turkentine: Headmistress! (turns frantically) Ahem. (smmoths himself, consults watch) Christopher! You’re five minutes and thirty-six seconds late for class!

Christopher: (Rolls eyes at the audience, muttering) you’re the one who is crazy!

(Kids sit down. One moment of silence)

Boy: (Bang on desk/lap) Yo man! (Throws a paper plane and quickly sits down.)

Mr. Turkentine: Owww! (Rub back of head.) 

(Kids sniggers.)

MR. TURKENTINE: (Claps hands) Order! Order, please!

Boy: I’d like a hamburger and fries, please.

(Kids: More sniggers!)

Mr. Turkentine: (very angry, stuttering, pointing) Christopher, you! (finger trembling) Go and stand in the corner!

Boy: (Stomp to the corner.) Humph!

Mr Turkentine: Who is playing with the red thing? (points)

Tom: Tee hee hee! (waves laser at audience, laugh)

Mr Turkentine: (wags finger) Now put that away. If I see it one more time, I will change your seats! Now let’s begin our science experiment!

Mr. Turkentine: (Returns to face class, searches for a student) Charlie Bucket.

CHARLIE: Yes, Mr. Turkentine?

MR. TURKENTINE: I shall need an assistant for the experiment.  Come and give me a hand. (Beckons with hand)  

     (Charlie joins him at the front.)

Boy: (singing) Charlie Bucket, teacher’s pet!

(Kids snigger)

Boy: (singing even more louder) Charlie Bucket, teacher’s pet!

Kids: (chanting) teacher’s pet, teacher’s pet!

Mr. Turkentine: HUSH! No talking at the back!! 

Kids: (someone blows raspberry) You’re the only one talking! (sniggers, chatter)

Mr. Turkentine: (loud)We have here!!!(quiet down) a special list of ingredients of my own. (gestures) It's horrible (sway right), dangerous (Sway left) stuff; blows you up (jumps up).  But mixed together in the right way, as only I know how, what do you think it makes?

CHARLIE: I don’t know, sir. (Scratch head)

MR. TURKENTINE: Of course you don't know.  You don't know because only I know.  If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you.  And for a student to teach his teacher is presumptuous and rude.  Do I make myself clear?

CHARLIE: (Scratches head again, wait a moment.)Yes, sir.

     (The students laugh.)

MR. TURKENTINE: Good.  Now, mixed together in the right way, these highly dangerous ingredients can create a Wonka Bar!!!!

Kids: Cheer!

Mr. Turkentine: The trick is to pour them in in equal amounts. Now, Charlie, you take that bottle, and I'll take my own special mixture.  You ready?  Good lad, pour.

(Boy makes a cow horn on top of Turkey’s head. Makes hush sign at audience)

     (They pour slowly; the mixture emits a small boom and a large puff of smoke.  The kids cheer.) (Sound effects.)

CHARLIE: Did we do it wrong?

MR. TURKENTINE: No, certainly not; it’s brown and creamy.

Kids: Cheer again.

Charlie: Is it chocolate?

Mr. Turkentine: Most certainly!

Kids: Cheer once more.

Jane: I want a wonka bar!!! (Rushes up and dips in her finger.)

Mr. Turkentine: NOOOOO!!!! Stop! I haven’t---

Jane: (Spits out) Ewww! Wart removal cream!

(Whole class cheers and snigger.)

     (Commotion in the hall.) (Winkelmann stomping)

MR. TURKENTINE:  Now what's going on out there?

 (Mr. Turkentine opens the door.)

MR. TURKENTINE: You, Winkelmann, come here.  What's happening?

(Class chats, looks at Winkelmann)

WINKELMANN: (Comes in, starts shaking Turk’s hand vigorously) Hey man. Willy Wonka's opening his factory; he's gonna let people in.

(Kids: Cheer.)

MR. TURKENTINE: (stuttering, Winkelmann hasn’t let go) Are you sure?

WINKELMANN: It's on the radio. (dumps Turk’s hand, holds his own’s up, and turns round and round, doing the pixie dance) And he's giving truckloads of chocolate away!!!

MR. TURKENTINE: Class dismissed!

(Kids: BIG cheer.)

WINKELMANN: No, no, it's only for five(hold up 5 fingers) people.

MR. TURKENTINE: Class un-dismissed.

(Kids: BIG BOO!)

WINKELMANN: He's hidden five Golden Tickets, and the people who find them will win the big prize. (turns to prance out)

Kids: Oooooo!!! (chatter in crescendo)

MR. TURKENTINE: Shush!!!(frantically grabs at Winkelmann, who’s about to leave) WAIT! Where has he hidden the tickets?

WINKELMANN: Inside five Wonka Bars!  You gotta buy Wonka Bars to find 'em, man?!

MR. TURKENTINE: (wipes brow) Class re-dismissed!

Kids: Yeah!

Boy: I want that ticket!!!

GIRL: (Midst of cheering) I'm going to buy a hundred bars!

BOY: I'm gonna buy the whole store! (Excited)

Jane: (takes off running) Let’s go!

Tom: Charlie, you coming?

Charlie: No…

Girl: Humph! You’re such a nerd…you’ll know you’re missing out on something later! (run away) Come on Tom!

Scene 2 On the Street 

Charlie: (says sadly to himself) I guess I’ll never see the Wonka Factory. (sighs) I don’t even have a penny! How can I buy a bar of chocolate? (miserable) I can’t even buy a sizzler, let alone a golden ticket…

Boy: (In a hurry, runs across the street) Ouch! My ankle! Now I will never get to be the first one to reach the store!(Fumbling with wallet and accidently drops a few coins.)

Charlie: (Looks up, sees coins, run after boy.) Hey! Christopher! You dropped something! (Picks money up.) Christopher! (Waves money.) Hey! You dr---

Boy: (Already too far to hear Charlie.) Sound effect -- I’m the last one……(echo the last one)

Charlie: (face brightens up) Yay! Money money money! Choc choc, here I come! Wait up guys! I’m coming!

Scene 3 Bill’s Candy Shop

 (Kids run from school to the Candy Shop.) (Waving money)

 (Kids enter, yelling.)

KIDS: (yelling) Sizzler!  I want a Sizzler!

BILL: All right, all right, all right, what's it going to be?  A triple cream cup for Christopher . . .

KIDS: (yelling) A Squelchy Snorter!

BILL: A Squelchy Snorter for Otis . . .

GIRL: I want a Squelchy Snorter . . .

Jane: I want a gobstopper!

Kids: (More yells) ME! ME!

BILL: A Sizzler for June Marie . . .

BOY: C'mon, give me a Sizzler . . .

Jane: How about me? Where’s my gobstopper?!

BILL: And listen up!  Wonka's got a new one today.

KIDS: What is it? (Quiet down)

BILL: (Quiet) This is called a (throw hands out) Scrumdidilyumptious Bar!

WINKELMANN: (mispronouncing) Scrumbibilyunctious Bar?  How does he do it?

(sniggers)

BILL: My dear boy, do you ask a fish how it swims?

WINKELMANN: No . . .

(Kids: Snigger.)

BILL: Or a bird how it flies?

WINKELMANN: No . . .

(Kids: Snigger).

BILL: No sirree, you don't!  They do it because they were born to do it.  Just like Willy Wonka was born to be a candy man, you look like you were born to be a Wonkarer.

Kids: Ah! (Chatter starts up again. All buy choc and go away)

CHARLIE: (shyly, clears his throat) Hi.

BILL: Hi. (not looking at Charlie)

CHARLIE: (Quietly) I'd like a bar of chocolate please. 

BILL: Yeah, sure.  What kind? (holds up bars as he speaks) A Slugworth Sizzler?  A Wonka Scrumdidilyumptious? (Boomy voice)

CHARLIE: Ummm… (looking at both) Whichever's the biggest.

BILL: Try a Scrumdidilyumptious. (Clears his throat and holds out his hand.  Charlie pays.)  

CHARLIE: Bye bye. (Looks longingly at the candy shelf for a few moments.)

BILL: Yes? (twitches nose)

CHARLIE: I think I'll buy just one more, for my Grandpa Joe. (Slowly)

BILL: Sure.  Why not try a regular Wonka Bar this time?

CHARLIE: Okay. (Counts money) I haven’t enough though!

Bill: Never mind, it’s on me. (pats chest)

Charlie: Thank you so much!

     (Charlie opens his Wonka Bar; there is the Golden Ticket!)

Charlie & Bill: Oh my! (Gasp)

Boy: (Peering over Charlie’s shoulder) Hey, you've got it!  You've got a Golden Ticket!  Charlie's found a Golden Ticket!  Hold it up, Charlie, so we can see! (Excited)

WOMAN : Hey, let me see it!

Boy: It really is gold!

BILL: Stand back there.  Leave the boy alone!

Boy: Hey, Charlie, come over here. I am your classmate. Let me see it first! (eyebrows go up and down. Tries to push against strong Bill)

Jane: Let me see it! Did you see what he's got?

BILL: You're going to kill him!  Leave him alone!  Break it up.

Boy: Let me see it!  Over here, show it over here!

WOMAN: It really is gold! Hey, good chap, I’ll buy it for a hundred dollars. (holds up crisp bills)

Boy: I wanna see it. I’ll buy it for two hundred dollars. (waves money) Hey, Charlie . . . (Pushes against them)

Jane: No I’ll buy it. My father’s a big tycoon. I’ll give you four hundred dollars for that ticket, Charlie.

Crowd: (Over-excited mob, pushes against Charlie and Bill) Let me see!

BILL: (frantically turns to look at Charlie) Come on, kid!  Hold on to that ticket!  Run for it, Charlie!  Run straight home and don't stop 'til you get there! (Yelling)

     (Charlie pushes through mob and starts running home.)

Crowd: (Crowd chases across the street) Hey come back here!!!

(Bill tries frantically to block them reaching Charlie)

Boy: Five hundred dollars! (Waves money)

Jane: Eight hundred dollars! (Waves money)

Boy: One thousand … (Crazy)

Woman: Ten thousand!!!!!!

Crowd + sound effects: (In a frenzy) Hey, hey, hey! Come back, come back… (Screaming and crazy, they chase Charlie and Bill off the stage.)

~The End~

Chaos

This is a poem I wrote last year for the Budding Poets Competition.

Chaos

Bringggggg! The bell in the playground rings,

Mary jumps off the yellow swings.

Tom stows away his paper plane,

Jack gobbles up his candy cane.

Then—Footsteps slapping in the hall,

Bill scurries in with his ball.

The classmates are all still;

No one utters a word until—

The Headmistress strides in,

And knocks over the garbage bin!

Laughter explodes in the room,

Giggles replace the gloom.

She bellows, “Silence!”

For a few precious moments,

All the chuckling immediately stops,

You could have heard water drops!

“Your class teacher is ill today,

Work on your own and don’t dare play!”

The roaring Head sure can strut,

Bang! The door slams shut.

Then—

The classroom in an uproar,

Ding! Appears the joy galore.

Paper aeroplanes fly,

Out the window into the sky.

Lily produces her music sheets;

Everyone jumps up from their seats,

To join the frolicking and the fun,

Singing songs all in pun.

The pandemonium lifts the roof,

The chairs and desks are held aloof.

Tim trips over a schoolbag,

Clarisse fills the board with a zigzag.

Slipping in I could see,

Rachel jumping with whoops of glee.

Uh-oh—

Headmistress creeps in like a mouse,

And screams like in a haunted house.

Her chalk-white face in total shock,

She gapes like a frightened hawk!

Then—

The door, shakily, opens.

Mouths in a perfect “O”,

Deafening silence.

The Loony Bunch

I wrote this last year in Form 1 when Miss Suthiphongchai was my teacher. We all called her Miss Su, and I think you know why...

The Loony Bunch (feel free to try this out!)

Act 1 : Mrs. Pratchett’s Candy Shop

P: (Licks hand and puts it in a cookie jar. Waits a moment, feels bored and sticks grubby finger up nose.)

AWS: (Walks into the shop sees P picking her nose.) Ewwwwww! Disgusting! Revolting!

P: I never say welcome to my customers. Ya just keep those slimy fingers off ma precious caaaaaandieeeees.

A: You’re the only who has slimy fingers!

P: Shaddup, ya silly wretched girl.

W: Lady, do you know that on an average thumbnail, there are 1 million bacteria? And do you that you should wash yer hands every hour to keep them 25% clean? And do you know…..

P: Old man, I don’t care for no brains.

S: Nothing compared to a good old jog. (Jogs on the spot.)

P: (This time scratches armpits, then shoves hand into sugar-mice jar.

A: EWWWWWWWWW!

B: Hey sorry guys, I had a severe case of diarrhea. How’s it all goin’ ? Bought any candy? (Picks a bunch of lemon drops and pops them into his mouth. Chews slowly and walks out of the candy shop.) (From backstage) Hmmmmm… Finger-flavoured lemon drops? Not ma cup o’ coffee!

W: He just ate dirt!

S: That’s nothing! You won’t die of Pratchett disease, but you will suffer when you stop jogging more than two minutes.

P: Hey, Bill didn’t pay me no money!!! (Runs out of candy shop after the long-gone Bill.)

Bill: I got no money!

Pratchett: Well well well. He he. Then ya gotta let me join yer tour fer freeeeeeeeee! (screeching)

Bill: Okay…

Scene 2---In the jeep driving on the road

Bill: Don’t you just love nature? See that bush? Fantastic! And can you see…

P: Just watch where you’re driving! (Snappy)

Bill: Okay. But you ought to take time and appreciate the beauty of the natural… SCREEEECH!

All: AHHHHH!

Pratchett: Told you!

Anna: Oh no!! We are trapped in the safari!!

Bill: It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok.

Wood: Experts have shown that there will be a 70 percent of dying rate if trapped in the safari.

Sport: Whoa! Let’s jog our way out, dudes!!

Bill: It’s ok! It’s ok! It’s ok!

Prat: It ain’t not ok, or I’m gonna hit your head off!!

(Bill driving jeep while talking)

Bill: Come on everybody. Please calm down. See that waterhole? It’s so …

(Brakes screech. Everyone lurches forward)

All: AHHHHHHHHH!!! We crashed into a termite hill!

Anna: EWWW!

Prat: Hehehe!! Termites are just right for filthy forks as candies!

Wood: Termites are believed to be filthy, dirty, disgusting pests that will cause timber and agriculture damage. They mostly feed on dead plant…

Sport: Hoiy! Have you had enough!

(Termites crawling under their feet)

Anna: Ew! Termites under our feet!!

(Anna and Prat jumping up and down)

Sport: Pik those legs uuup! (demonstrate by jumping really high)

Bill: Calm down. Calm down. We should just get back to the car.

(All climbs up on the car)

(Bill tries to start the jeep but can’t)

Bill: Uh Oh!. It isn’t working!

Prat: You filthy beast!

Bill: I’m sorry everyone…but today’s the sign of Alpha, which means unlucky…

Sport: Ooosh! We’re dead as a dodo!

Anna: (suddenly points her finger to their right) Ew! Ew! Ew! Ah! (everyone starts at her direction)

Sport: Hoiy!! What is that?

Wood: Hm...according to the California State University, it is an antelope.

Bill: For the first time, brainy, you’re wrong. It’s a wilderbeest.

Prat: Either you forks charge that beast, or ain’t gonna have no candy!

Anna: (in a squeaky voice)Ah! Run! Run! Run!

Sport: Fasta! Fasta! Fasta!

(all runs towards a bush and hides)

Bill: Phew! I thought we were going to die. Now let’s find a way out. (leaves)

Sport: I’ll go the other way, okay?

Bill: Fine. Go look for the fantastic giraffe, they have a tongue three inches long! (Points)

We Turn Against Each Other

W: According to my information, this bush is completely hidden and there is no way for anybody to find us, unless Running Sport comes back here and finds us missing.

P: (shrieking) IT’S ALL HIS FAULT!!! (pointing at Bill) HE LED US INTO THIS TRAP! HE MUST WORK FOR THE CANNIBALS!!! aHHHH~

B: Calm down, Candy! No I don’t work for the cannibals, I think human flesh tastes disgusting!

A: But how do you know human flesh tastes disgusting if you haven’t tried it before?

Bill: Er… Erm…

W: According to my info, human flesh has the taste and texture of beef, except a little sweeter in taste and a little softer in texture. Contrary to popular belief, people do not taste like pork or chicken.

A: EWWWW!!!!! That is DISGUSTING!

P: (points at Bill) HE WANTS TO SEPARATE ME FROM MY DEAR RUNNING!!!

(ALL start bickering)

B: (Bellowing) PLEASE! Arguing isn’t going to help anything! We need to solve this in a logical way!

A: He’s right, we should be logical.

W: That is the only solution, guys.

P: (reluctantly) AL-RIGHT. But I’m NOT going ANYWHERE near CANNIBALS.

B: Ok…….. we need a plan…….. Hmmmm (thinking)

W: I think we should shout to attract attention by making some noise!

P: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Everybody covers ears)

A: What was THAT for?!

P: Ah…..nothing…… just trying out my lungs……

B: That’s great! She’s really loud!

W: Let’s all bellow at the top of our voices. Oh, and at the same pitch, it gives more resonance.

B: Everybody…..ahh……. (giving note)

ALL: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(animal sounds in the distance)

P: I HEAR SOMETHING!

B: Me too……… Shh….. everybody…….

W: It sounds like a safari animal.

A: Well of COURSE it’s a safari animal. (rolls eyes)

P: I just can’t remember…….. I’ve heard sound before…….

(all think)

ALL: I KNOW! It’s an ELEPHANT!

~End of Scene~

Elephant To The Rescue

(Narrator: Meanwhile, the Sports Teacher, Running Sport, has been jogging in the safari.)

S: Hmm….. It’s getting dark, I must head back to the bush.

(starts heading in other direction, jogs to the bush)

S: Oh no! What is THIS?! Wilderbeest hoove marks!

S: My dear Candy! She is not here! Nor are the others! Where are they? And why has the bush been blown up?!

(Walks around the bush, kneels down)

S: Sobbing… Boo- hooo…

(hears sounds of shouting)

S: They must be trapped in that bush! But it is too dangerous to go in there, I might get trapped too………

(Sees an elephant in the distance)

S: I have an idea! (Takes P’s candies out of pocket) Ahh…. I always knew Candy’s amazing confectionery would come in handy someday.

(Throws a worm into the bush, with accuracy to the spot)

(Elephant scrambles around the bush for the worm, opening a path right up to where the others are trapped)

(S runs up to them)

S: Oh Candy! I am SO glad to see you again!

P: ME TOO HONEY!! I thought I would be eaten by CANNIBALS! I thought I’d never see you again! ( on the verge of tears)

S: Don’t cry, honey…… It makes me so sad………

A: EWWWWW!!!! That’s so SWEET I want to PUKE!

W: According to my information, this kind of actions is not suitable for children under 18 years of age. I also suggest that Anna NOT puke, because vomit contains a lot of different kinds of germs.

P: Do you know that I can make candy from PUKE?

S: Oh my DEAR, that is SUCH GENIUS!

Others: UGHHHHH………..

~End of Scene~

The Loony Bunch-Wedding scene:

Setting: Church inside the safari

W: (Clear his throat) Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that today is the union of two faithful souls.

(Bell chimes, P and S comes in and smiles at each other, A walks behind them)

W: May we present, Mr Bill, to conduct the ceremony.

(P jogs at the spot, S licks her fingers and A picks her nose)

W: Stop it, three of you. Do you want to spoil your wedding? For your information, running makes you sweat, and sweat contains the chemicals of odorants 2-methylphenol and 4-methylphenol, as well as a small amount of urea which will give you an unpleasant smell. As for you two ladies…

B: (shouts) Do you want this wedding to continue or not?

(Everyone fells silent and remained still. A and W retreated to their seats.)

B: Do you, Running Sport, take Candy Pratchett, as your legally approved wife?

S: I told you that I don’t want to have these silly ceremonies! Of course I do!

B: Then we proceed. Do you, Candy Pratchett, take Run…

P: I do! Give us those silly papers to sign now!

(S and P embrace each other, Sport hands Pratchett a candy ring)

Pratchett: Oh dearie, a candy ring made of worms! How thoughtful, Sport!

A: (sniff) Awww… that was so sweet…

W: I don’t personally think their life after will be sweet, judged by…

A: Don’t spoil the wedding!

(S and P sign papers while A and W are talking)

B: Then I declare you bonded by life.

(S and P embrace while A and W cheer)

A and W: Congratulations!

S: Candy, will you join me in running in this jungle, so that we can spend time alone…

P: Of course, Darling! Do you want some of my flobberworm gums?

S: We’ll eat them while we’re running…

(S and P jogs off)

A: (Crying) I am so happy for them. Believe it or not, they’re a married couple!

W: Well, let’s go. There isn’t anything for us to do here.

(A, W and B walks away)

(Everyone comes out again)

Bill: And that was the end of the loony bunch. Thank you.

David Beckham

This is an assignment for my English lesson: An interview with David Beckham.

An Interview with David Beckham

I was apprehensive at first when I rang the doorbell of the famous footballer’s family home in Madrid. David Beckham is famous for his excellent football playing, in internationally-known teams such as Real Madrid, Manchester United, and of course the England National Team.

I was unsure of how to treat this star, as I had just landed a job as a junior reporter at the South China Morning Post. When David Beckham greeted me by the door, the first things I noticed about his appearance were his cleanly-cut golden hair, his stubbly chin, his casual red T-shirt, and of course his warm and welcoming eyes. He had a muscular build with huge arms and a big tattoo on his right arm. We sat down in his garden, with flower hedges surrounding the area.

I soon relaxed in this comfortable garden. As we chatted, I discovered that David Beckham is not only a famous football player and star; he is also an interesting conversationalist. Although he is often criticized, he appears to be calm and humble, stating that he is not the great person that people think he is. David spoke with a rich, round British accent that can only be said as a unique voice. He has a great passion for football, and is very ambitious in trying to “make soccer big in America”.

When he is free, Beckham is a “family person”, and often referred back to his wife Victoria and his children as the interview progressed. He put a great amount of trust in his wife: she bought an enormous house and organized the moving of the whole family. Unlike some fathers, Beckham is very clear to what his kids are doing, their language level, their hobbies, and of course their possible careers in the future. Speaking of his family, I realized that the tattoo on Beckham’s right arm was about his family!

I felt sad when it was time to leave the Beckham family home, as I had found our interview interesting and humorous. David Beckham is extraordinary; no-one else could have juggled football and family so well.